I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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