the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize