omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
