my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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