We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need water and some morals
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
