his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize