Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
