what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
