I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize