maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
