Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
