i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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