hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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