When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
