I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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