I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
