im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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