Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
