She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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