i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
