just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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