going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
