Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We had sex on a dog bed..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
