Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
