do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I puked a lego.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want her autograph on my taint
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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