I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
