apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
