In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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