I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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