I just pynch a tree in the face
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
