she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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