Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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