I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
