She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
