so explain again why im purple
no
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
