I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
