So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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