well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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