you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
