Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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