I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize