Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
