So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
