I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
