FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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