Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
