She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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