I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
