it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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