hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
