Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am available for nakedness
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
