McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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