i need an iv and a liver transplant
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
