I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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