I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Actions speak louder than pants.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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