Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
