Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
