Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
