I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
