Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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