First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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