I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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