who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Randomize
