guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
