all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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