Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
