We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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