its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
People in love make me want to vomit
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
