i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
