he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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