Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
