I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
