I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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