you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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