I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
