wakey wakey hands off snakey
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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