Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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