Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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