my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
