I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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