She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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