Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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