He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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