he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize