I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
