Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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