And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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